"Weary" - A Portrait Drawing

"Weary"     4" x 5.25"     Graphite on Paper

After all this time of having a blog, I can't believe I've never posted even one of my drawings! Truth is, I absolutely love to draw! In fact, some of my favorite memories revolve around drawing. Like when I was just a little girl and my mom bought me a sketchbook -I loved to spend my afternoons curled up with it in my lap or laying on the ground in front of me while I would lay tummy-side down on the floor with my feet dangling up in the air, as most little girls like to do, and I would fill it up with drawing after drawing. Placing my hopes and dreams on the pages - imaginations of different worlds and fairytale lands, as well as observations of our own world around me.

I'm still a sucker for a brand new sketchbook, and I know I always will be. To me they are filled with all the possibility in the world wrapped up so neatly in their clean, crisp pages. I love the smell, the feel, the weight of it in my hands. I love running my fingers over the untouched pages, dreaming up ways to fill it with life. Perhaps over the next few weeks I can share some of my imaginations with you, in order to give you an idea of how I like to express myself with this lovely medium. I truly hope you will enjoy this different aspect of my artistry. =)

And I won't lie, part of the reason I want to post my drawings right now is simply because of how awful I've been feeling. I've been trying so hard to get myself into the studio lately, but I just can't do it. My fibro has taken another turn for the worse these last few weeks, and it's been especially hard on me and my family. My days are filled with exhaustion, where no matter how much I sleep at night, which lately has been in the 12-14 hr. range, I still fall asleep multiple times a day, drifting off immediately when I sit down, and almost dozing off even while I'm standing. My poor husband has been left having to carry the load all by himself all over again, and it hurts me to see him struggle so as a result of my sickness. I've had a significant and steady increase in my pain as well, which means that my work is for naught - my meds need to be going back up. Worst of all is that fact that I've had a greatly lessened ability to watch and play with my boys. It breaks my heart!!! And it scares me so very, very much. I don't want this for my life. No one would.

I honestly thought I'd be so much better by now, but these last few weeks have been such a hard punch to my own perception of how things are. I finally realized that I've been in denial - which manifested itself mostly in my attempts to lower my medications because I believed I was finally doing okay. But I really wasn't. In fact, I've been far from okay. I've only been capable of watching my boys two full days a week, and I pay for it so badly that the next week Grandma has to watch them for me because I have to recover. And now we've had two weeks in a row that I haven't been able to care for them. It's awful! So I hope you can understand why I haven't been around much these last few weeks, neigh, these last few months. I keep thinking I'm doing so well, but in truth, I'm just not. But I will not give in to hopelessness or despair! I know God has a plan for me even in this - that He is teaching me what love and long suffering and patience truly are. He is also trying to teach me gratitude, and how to be encouraging and graceful to others, even if I'm feeling at my worst. I have so very much more to learn, but I know with God's strength He will lead me in the path of righteousness. Now all I have to do is follow.

So if you don't see me around much in the next few weeks, I am truly sorry - trust me, I wish with all my heart that I could feel well enough to paint and keep up with my blog. I will try my hardest though to push through this little flare and to get back up on my feet. And until then, I shall draw. =)

And just so you know, I do commissions! If you're interested in purchasing an original portrait from me of you, your family, or your sweet little baby, why not email me and let me know. They make wonderful presents for loved ones, whether for an anniversary, a wedding, a birthday, and for just about any occasion or celebration you can think of. And I love making them, so you know I will put plenty of time and love and attention into it, creating the perfect piece for you, whether it's intended to be a gift for someone you love or a gift for yourself. =)