To Be Set Free - A Poem In Memory of Grandpa Cully — We Will Miss You!

 To Be Set Free

Can you imagine how it must be
To see your Savior, to be set free,
From all the worries of this world
To win your prize and earn your gold?
To look your Savior in the face
And have Him say you won the race,
For which you fought for all your life
Through all the trouble and all the strife?
Can you imagine how it must feel
To touch His face and grasp His heal
Twas scarred for you to set you free
To live a life of victory?
Can you imagine what you would see
Having your God in front of thee,
To see Him staring face to face
To be wrapped in His sweet Embrace?
When my life ends, is far and gone
My hope is that He'll say, "Well done,
For you My dear have made Me proud,
You spoke My truth with love, out loud.
You lived your life for Me, My love,
That made Me smile from up above.
I couldn't wait to have you here,
Because it's you I love, My dear.
Because, it's you I love, My dear."

~Melissa Adams

Great Grandpa Cully loving on Levi - July 17th, 2010

In memory of Grandpa Cully Olson, who lived a life of love for God and praised him to his final breath. May you rejoice in the arms of our Savior. I truly wish I could have known you more, but even in the short time I knew you, you were a light for the Lord, and a true pleasure to be around. We love you and you will be sorely missed, but we know that you are in the arms of your Savior and there is no place you'd rather be. Enjoy your rewards, Grandpa Cully, and thank you for being a humble and faithful servant all these years.

"Pair of Jellies" - An Animal Painting

"Pair of Jellies"     5" x 7"     Acrylic on Archival Canvas Panel

I've always loved jellyfish and sea-life, as you all can tell by now I'm sure! I painted this for our powder room, and I love how it turned out so much that I am planning some day to make a MUCH much larger painting for our wall (or eventually if I can part with it, for someone else's) filled with a great amount of these beautiful creatures, all tangled up alongside each another. But for now, this little painting will have to do, and since it makes me smile every time I see it, I'd say it's doing it's job quite well. After all, the vibrant colors used within it really liven up our space, giving it a bright and cheery feel!

How Do You Save a Fish From Drowning - A poem by Melissa Adams

How Do You Save a Fish From Drowning?

Can I be me, the me I used to be,
Without having this dark inside of me?
With mind still stuck back deep inside my past,
Can this salvation I call mine yet last?

I've tried so hard to right the rights I've wronged,
But here I sit, still staring, lists too long,
For any person here on earth to fix,
I've nothing left back in my bag of tricks.

Why give me so much grief for me to bear?
I cry out "Why, God? WHY!!!" but You aren't there.
So in the silence deep within my soul,
I die inside cause You don't care at all.

"How do I do this right?" I ask aloud,
Not knowing where to turn,  nor what's allowed,
For me to save myself, to save my soul,
Without losing what was me, my true heart's goal.

A hole too deep, too wide, for me to brave,
Life destined for destruction, for the grave.
Holding onto threads, it's all I've got,
The love I shared now breaking from this lot.

Twas cast on me, no choice of mine was had,
Situations growing worse, then going bad.
Drowning deep and deeper every day,
If only God would make for us a way.

A way for us to take that's clearly marked,
His intentions plain, our faith thus sparked,
Into a flame so deep no one can see,
The doubts that once took root inside of me.

***

On Sunday, Levi accidentally pushed our iron fireplace grate onto me as I was stoking the fire, and it crashed upon me so suddenly and roughly my brain barely even had time to process it. I had been getting better and was actually doing the best I had been in months, but then this happened. I just fell into a heap on the floor and sobbed, not so much from the pain raging in my body, but more for the fact that in my heart of hearts I knew it was all starting over again. We were back at square one. My flare would return full force and the last two months of working at getting better were wasted in a matter of seconds. I went upstairs slowly and sobbed for half an hour as Tyler sat in the living room with his stomach in his throat because he knew it too.

The next morning I was in massive pain, but still proceeded to go to our staff dinner, masking my symptoms because we just needed to be able to get away from this thing we call our life. We're really just surviving, because neither of us feels much alive right now. The next morning was awful and it's been awful ever since. My flare is back as if it never was on it's way out, and the light we had seen at the end of the tunnel feels as if it's been snuffed out. I know in my heart God has a purpose and a plan for all of this,  but right now it's just a little hard to keep my eyes on the goal. I feel like I'm losing my hope right now, my husband feels like he's losing me, and we both feel like we're losing each other. It's not good.

But still,  we have determined to "...run with perseverance the race marked out for us." For God calls us to ^"2 ...fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.. " (Hebrews 12  1-3) I have felt so close to losing heart these last few days since my world crashed around me last Sunday, but I am determined to not lose faith because my Lord is bigger than anything this world can throw at me and he doesn't give us more than we can bear, even though sometimes it may feel like that.

Musings on the Upcoming New Year

You may remember the very first post on my blog of one of my best friends ever, Shannon, and her maternity shoot. She was so gracious to me in letting me take so many pictures of her and in trusting me with it even when I was so inexperienced, and I am so grateful for that. And lucky for her, my dear friend Stephanie, who is my all-time favorite portrait photographer, who also recently "retired" as it were from doing shoots (though I'm not sure if she was planning on that being a permanent thing) gave me some wonderful tips on how to take better pictures. My work improved dramatically because of her, and I am so thankful for that! One of these days I really want to do an interview of her on here if she's up for that.

Here is one picture that never quite made it to that post because it was actually done in a separate shoot, in the field outside her in-laws house on the day of her baby shower, and was edited much later as well. I just love this shot - it's one of my all time favorite photographs, and I think you'll love it too!

 And here are some more from that day that I just adore...

 

You know Shannon, you couldn't just stop at being a great artist could you? You had to be freakin' gorgeous as well! Sheesh, some people just get all the breaks, huh? Haha, I love you Shannon!

So I've been thinking a lot lately since having to put my life on hold during this horrible flare up of mine, and I've learned how important it is to really work towards your desires in life - to truly try to pursue the things you feel God has called you to do. What irks me is my utter inability right now to follow through on anything physically right now, so I spend my time instead working on plans of where I want to be in the near future. First off, I think it's really important for everyone to have someone in their life who sees your talent and pushes and encourages you to cultivate it, who inspires you to do more, and yes, someone who you for some reason can't help but compete with because they're pretty stinkin' good themselves! Just try not to get too competitive mind you! Haha, oh how I wish I wasn't so darn competitive! But when you can turn it to do good, when you can channel it to not try to outdo that other person but instead to help you better yourself just so that you're better than the you that you started out with, that's when you can really start to see some progress as an artist or in whatever field you may be in. It takes time and a lot of self control and hard work, but I've learned over the last few years that what really helps you grow the most is keeping track of your own growth and not comparing yourself to others. Because, as my mother always said, there will ALWAYS be someone better than you. But, and this is a big BUT, that doesn't mean you should give up trying. It just means that you should surround yourself with people who love you and will spur you on to do your very best, and that you should look back often at all the strides you've made and constantly make new goals and keep focused on where you want to be. You have to pick yourself back up again when you hit a wall and never give up, though you may need a short break from time to time to get yourself fresh and motivated again.

I'm learning so much about myself lately and about what is important to me in life, and what's important to me as an artist. I'm trying to figure out my short term and long term goals because I really do strongly desire to be "discovered" as an artist. To really make it out there in the world, and not just be another one of those people who's paintings never leave their studio but only end up being sold at a garage sale for a measly five bucks. I just don't want that for myself. 

My goal for next year, starting hopefully in January, is to get my business license, get my website up and running (I bought a domain name already - YAY ME!!!) and to start selling my work. I so desperately want to get accepted on dailypainters.com and to get into a wonderful gallery, but I know there are more things I need to accomplish before I can even try to do that. I'm a little scared to even put my paintings up for sale to be perfectly honest with you, but I feel like it's finally time to start putting myself out there, even if it means rejection in the end. But in the very least I have to try, because it's come to that point where I can't hide behind the fact that I'm so afraid to try selling my work out of fear that people won't actually like it enough to buy it. It's one thing to say a work of art is pretty, and an entirely different thing to say it's pretty enough to spend your hard earned money on. So in light of the upcoming end of this year and the beauty and wonder and possibility that all lie in the start of another year, have you started thinking of the goals you have for yourself? Have you really thought about where you want to be in a year? In five years? In ten? Let's do this together! Let's make a plan to get our lives on track and to make real and tangible goals. Are you with me?!

Two More Pictures of the Doyles. Plus, How Do You Like to De-Stress?

I just wanted to post one or two little pictures from my previous shoot with Kelsey, Jeremy and Nolan. I was putting together the little CD of pics for their family the other night that I never really got around to finishing up before, and I just thought these were pretty darn cute and had to put them up here. The top one's my absolute favorite - such a tender moment! There are so many more pictures I wish I could edit, but for now, I think this will be it for a while. To see the other ones I did of their family, click here. I haven't even had time to edit our own pictures of my shoots of Owen and Levi, and there are some real gems in there! I can't wait to get to those someday too! =0)

I guess I just haven't really been feeling up to editing pictures lately. I think I worry so much about whether the people I took them for will like them that it stresses me out more than it relaxes me. All my efforts have been going towards getting better for my family (Oh, did I forget to mention on here that I got a positive diagnosis of Fibromyalgia?! Silly me, I must have forgotten! Lol. I know those of you with it can laugh along with me at that one!), so I've really only been painting instead since I find that to be more therapeutic for me. My world has felt like it's been turned upside down and nobody really quite knows how to cope right now, not even my strong and steady husband who has always seemed so immovable to me. It's been a rough couple of weeks, let me tell ya! If you don't mind, we could sure use some prayer right now, that's for sure!

One of my friends asked me lately what I do to de-stress. PAINT!!! (Are you surprised at that one? Haha!) My other go to's are bubble baths, reading and of course, watching the good ole TV. So, what about you? What are your favorite ways to de-stress? And if you have kids, can you let me into the little known secret of how to de-stress with them around (if it even exists in the first place)? Everywhere I look, in each book and each doctor I talk to, everything is telling me the most important thing for me to do right now is to get rid of any stress in my life. HA!!! I get a good laugh at that one. In fact, I actually laughed at my doctor when she said that. Oops! I have a very needy, curious and active 8 mo. old and a very hyper, intelligent 2 year old... A stress-free environment isn't really an option right now. So if you've got any tips that work for you, let me know. Please feel free to comment here, I'd love to hear your suggestions of what works best for you so I can maybe steal some for myself... ;)
Hope you have a wonderful, no, even better - a quiet and relaxing day.  =)

"El Capitan" - A Yosemite Expressionist Painting

As I sit here tonight, struggling in my pain and stiffness to find that elusive thing called sleep, I'm hoping that life is finding you well, and that in your own struggles, now matter how big or how small, you know that there is a God who loves you and is there for you always, all you have to do is ask. Sometimes it seems so very easy to believe the lie that your pain isn't really THAT bad, especially compared to someone else's, that your struggles aren't as hard because you haven't had to deal with something huge like others seem to have to do. That even if what you struggle with may be small in other people's eyes, that it may feel small compared to "what's his face who has to deal with whatever THAT is", that for you, your hardest struggles are indeed HARD, and they are yours and you have every right to feel overwhelmed by them. Please don't ever compare yourself with others in a way that hurts you rather than encourages you to try harder (I say this even while I am working on this myself) because it will only make things worse. It is okay to feel like what you're going through is hard. Like I said, I'm learning that myself right now. What I'm struggling with might be nothing compared with someone else, and yet to me, it's unbearably hard. But there is a God who gives us hope and strength and courage, and it is promised in His word, "Come near to God and He will come near to you." (James 4:8a - which is, by the way, MY FAVORITE VERSE OF ALL TIME!!!) Let him carry your burden for you, as I, and my family with me, are learning to let Him carry ours. "'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.'" (Matt. 11:28-30) God bless!

Here's a picture from our trip last year to Yosemite with my amazing mother and our awesome family. I loved that trip! It was such a sweet time to grow together as a family - to watch Levi lose himself in nature, because boy oh boy does that little man ever love to be outside!!! And to see my beautiful nieces and my sister and brother-in-law (who is really more like a brother to me than anything else) in the element that brings out the best in all of us. We are such a camping family. I think we were all born for the mountains, but for now, our little yearly trips will have to suffice.  =)

Ahhh, Yosemite. There is something so magical about that place. Maybe it's the way the mist hits your face and drenches your body as you stare mystified at the power of the waterfalls before you. Or the beauty in even the simple little wonders there, like the rocks and ferns and, well, in everything around you. And for me, it might even just be my momma. I mean, when we go there, it's like I see her caught perfectly back in time as a young girl, just barely out of her teens, and I see life through her eyes so clearly. She used to work in that park, and I love every story she has to share about it. I eat them up like crazy... Like the time a bear came knocking on her cabin door while she was all alone, and then proceeded climb up on her roof and stick around for awhile, scaring the living daylights out of her. Or the fact that she knows so much about the park, so much more than most people could ever possibly know without having lived there themselves. It's magical to me, and I love it! I hope I captured even a hint of that in this simple painting - even a hint of the immense beauty and majesty that God so lovingly poured out in abundance over that land. I have so, so many more paintings to come from there and from all of our other special haunts - so many more expressions of the joy I feel in spending time in God's great wonderlands with my momma and the rest of my family, and with our mighty Creator Himself - and I can't wait for the chance to make them and share them with you!

"El Capitan"     8 x 10     Acrylic on Canvas

By the way, momma, you totally inspired this painting (you know, just in case you couldn't tell by what I wrote)! I love you and want to thank you for giving me such a love for the beautiful wilderness that God created!

An Update and a New Abstract Painting of My Journey Thus Far, Entiltled "For He Was My Light in Times of Trouble"

I got some answers at my Physical Therapy appt. yesterday that really helped ease at least some of my frustration. It seems that my hip and spine were twisted up pretty badly and all out of sorts from something I did at the girls conference - my hip joints weren't matching up in the back. So when I got home and got my cortisone shot to fix a different problem, it just set everything on fire. The Dr. took one look at my hip and back and said "I am so, so sorry! You must be in agony!" Thank the Lord for a compassionate Dr., who prayed for me and for wisdom in how to treat me, since I know how rare that is. She is amazing. I'm in incredible pain today - when she was done with me she asked me what type of meds I had at home and told me to take my strongest for the next day or so, but I am so glad to have some answers as to why this flare was so bad and what caused it. Now I'm just hoping that the next few weeks of recovery help fix this all, and that I can get back the feeling of normal, since I can't even remember what it feels like to not be in pain anymore.

On a sad note, I asked her what she thought about the prospect that I might have fibromyalgia, since every time she hits a tender spot (by gently pressing mind you) it makes me catch my breath in pain, and she is fairly positive that I do. Just about as positive as she could be. She said I really need to go get checked out by my physician, but told me not to lose hope, because it's not a death sentence. She must have seen the disappointment on my face. So now we'll be looking into that as we move forward, so if you have the chance, please pray for me that I get a compassionate and wise Dr. who can help figure all this out. I love you guys - thanks for listening to all my... well... baggage, I guess.

This painting today was what I pictured in my mind when the other day I posted "It Was Enough." As I was praying I felt God prompting me to try to get out how I'm feeling on canvas: all the darkness and despair, all the tears and pain and anger, the little glimmers of hope, but most of all, the fact that through all of it, no matter how hopeless or desperate or agonizingly painful things became, God's light and presence has always shown so brightly through it all, giving me hope and sustaining me. He is bigger than any problem I have and will ever face and his light will ALWAYS guide me through.

"For He Was My Light In Times of Trouble"     16 x 20     Acrylic on Gallery Wrapped Canvas

Side view of painted, wrapped sides